If you are anything like me, you have probably wondered if there is more to life than what you have made of it. You have spent days living forward and yet looking backward wondering if anything will come out of this inner rumble, this inner desire for more, a desire to be more, to do more, to be used more. A desire not to achieve more, but to stretch more, to leap more, to be of more use in this world than a self-serving ambition to make a name and make money.
The past two years, I have spent time wandering in a dry land looking for meaning, for a more sense of fulfilment through purpose, through work, through education, through socialization and sadly, I have found myself hanging dry. I have gotten to the end of myself and what I know and wondered if my life amounts for anything; I have put myself out there in the hopes of my sails catching some wind and came up short, empty, tired, exhausted, frustrated and frankly, damn nearly giving up on more than a few occasions.
I am sorry if I have misled you to think that I have found any meaning to life yet; I am sorry if you, like me, have come here looking for that oasis to quench your thirst for more. This is not an oasis. This is not a way to discover yourself, your purpose or a way out of the mess that you currently find yourself in. I am sorry.
What I will tell you though, is that if you are in that place of discomfort, a place of discontentment, a place where you feel like you are wrestling with more than you can handle, I invite you here. You are not alone. Feel free to unpack that baggage you carry so faithfully even though you know it is not for you to carry. Feel free to find solace in the fact that you were not meant to carry it. You were never meant to walk alone. As a matter of fact, know this: you were never meant to carry it beyond the Cross.
Yes. This is a religious post. No. I am not ashamed. I am a Christian, not just by religion, I believe that God, in His unwavering mercy and grace, gave His Precious Son to die for us, so that in Him, we may have eternal life. Therefore I am redeemed, I am restored in Him, I find joy, peace, love, grace and mercy in Him. That is all I will ever need.
To say this makes you wonder if I truly believe in it in light of what I just shared before that. I do. Knowing and believing in this proclamation does not make it any easier to be human. Hence the title of this blog: Quiet Discontent. There is more. Be discontented. Be still.
Grace+Peace,
Brian Kirui
